I realized this morning that it has been around 6 months since I left England, and I really have felt all out of sorts since then. It is almost as if I have been putting my life on hold, thinking of what I want to happen. I am not sure if it makes any sense, but I feel as if I have been thinking of this perfect future, and continually focusing on it, rather than the good that can be had here.
Just recently I came to the conclusion I could be here a lot longer than origially planned, and that I better make the most of my situation because I was lonely, and not really here. And I really had no one to blame but myself. I have been so richly blessed by those I am priviledged to call my friends and loved ones. I may not be physically near them right now, but I know that they love me. And they are a huge huge blessing in my life.
As I was struggling with how to best cope and adapt with my lonliness my friend Allison posted something on her blog that kept me on my thoughts:
Daphne: Feeling a bit lonely, are we?
Niles: Only sometimes when I'm by myself, or other times when I'm with other people.
-Frasier, "Chess Pains"
My main problem has been that I haven't been putting myself out there. I go to church on Sundays, and I am physically there, but I'm not connecting with anyone, and I'm not making an effort to really get to know anyone. No wonder I was feeling lonely!
So I told my sister that I wanted to become more a part of our ward. I wanted to try and come to activites and make friends with these people. I can always use more friends, and more people to love, and to do that I need to put forth some effort. I really don't know why this seems so hard for me, I used to be quite the social butterfly.
And then when I started to doubt this idea, a co-worker sent me an email. Now what they were saying in the email didn't matter so much, and what they post after their signature in every email. It says this: "Be the change you want to see."
I think I should stick with this goal!
May 2021 piano recital
2 years ago
