WARNING: This blog entry will be a bit whiny, and for that I apologize, but I just feel like I need to get it all out, and hopefully gain wisdom from comments of people I love. Or just thoughts of support or insight or argument on another point.
So very very soon my life is going to change, in a big way. I'm going to be quitting my job, moving out of the country, start school for my MA... so basically it's going to be a grand adventure. But why am I so scared?
For one, I haven't saved properly for leaving. I'm going to be relying heavily, if not solely, on financial aid. I'm poor enough already, do I want to be MORE in debt.
Two, the degree I'm going into (European Theatre) isn't all that bankable. I mean yes, it's in theatre, which I love, but I will still have to come back and get my PhD if I want to teach college. And that's a big if.
Three, I'm scared of failure. I'm scared I'll never "grow up" and decide what I want to do with my life.
Plus there are so many things still left to do before I even get to England.
-Student Visa
-Housing
-Schedule
-Save Money
-Sell Angus
-Move all my crap
The only thing really keeping me grounded is that I WANT to do this. I live for adventures, and the safe and boring life I've been living the past two years (since leaving the Ydaho) have been slowly sucking the life out of me. I feel alone, and isolated, and I don't like it.
My mind is chaos, and sadness right now. Again, I'm sorry for being a debbie downer, I just didn't know how to get all of this out of my system. Thank you for reading, or listening to this.
THE END
5 comments:
Alright Swera, It is totally normal to be freaked out about all of these changes. If you where not worried.. I would be worried. The changes that are coming up are big... HUGE.. but if you know if your heart that is what you want then go for it! Jump in feet first and you will figure out the rest along the way.
You are just fine girl! I don't blame you for freaking out. It is a big move, and big change, and a big deal.
Pray and do what you feel you should. The rest will all work out. Faith my friend...faith.
I love you so much! I can't tell you how excited I am for you guys to go on this adventure. I know that you'll come out on top...you ALWAYS do. Also, I feel like I should tell you that the few weekends we see each other--when Jacob/Annie/I are able to make it down to Utah--are so amazing. They sustain me so much! Annie and I are pretty much the only ones left around here, it seems...Jenny's married, and I'm about to be, Jordan's always busy, and I've found that I really really really miss having a big "family" of friends close at hand. Those weekends when we kind of get to have that again are a little slice of heaven. This move to England will be so awesome. As I'm getting ready to make a big life change myself, there are a lot of fears and discouragements that come creeping in. But faith is moving forward, trusting that it will all be okay. It's taking the step into the dark and hoping to God (literally) that the light will follow. I love you tons! Take the step. =)
Sarah, I understand and very much relate to your worries. Change is scary, especially big changes, but I think big changes can also be really good (especially when the alternative means staying where life is getting sucked out of you). One of my favorite quotes, and one which I've had up on my wall ever since deciding on grad school is this:
"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen" -Ralph Waldo Emerson
adventures are rad.
you want something and you are doing it.
i commend you for that (which should make all of this SO much easier...)
not that i would change my life or the decisions i have made, but i definitely envy you for continuing your education in something you have a passion for.
best of luck to you.
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