I realized this morning that it has been around 6 months since I left England, and I really have felt all out of sorts since then. It is almost as if I have been putting my life on hold, thinking of what I want to happen. I am not sure if it makes any sense, but I feel as if I have been thinking of this perfect future, and continually focusing on it, rather than the good that can be had here.
Just recently I came to the conclusion I could be here a lot longer than origially planned, and that I better make the most of my situation because I was lonely, and not really here. And I really had no one to blame but myself. I have been so richly blessed by those I am priviledged to call my friends and loved ones. I may not be physically near them right now, but I know that they love me. And they are a huge huge blessing in my life.
As I was struggling with how to best cope and adapt with my lonliness my friend Allison posted something on her blog that kept me on my thoughts:
Daphne: Feeling a bit lonely, are we?
Niles: Only sometimes when I'm by myself, or other times when I'm with other people.
-Frasier, "Chess Pains"
My main problem has been that I haven't been putting myself out there. I go to church on Sundays, and I am physically there, but I'm not connecting with anyone, and I'm not making an effort to really get to know anyone. No wonder I was feeling lonely!
So I told my sister that I wanted to become more a part of our ward. I wanted to try and come to activites and make friends with these people. I can always use more friends, and more people to love, and to do that I need to put forth some effort. I really don't know why this seems so hard for me, I used to be quite the social butterfly.
And then when I started to doubt this idea, a co-worker sent me an email. Now what they were saying in the email didn't matter so much, and what they post after their signature in every email. It says this: "Be the change you want to see."
I think I should stick with this goal!
May 2021 piano recital
2 years ago
6 comments:
This made me teary. I wish I was loaded and could come play. I super duper love you.
Those two statements are connected but could also stand alone.
I love you more than words can express, and I miss you every single day of my life. I'm so grateful for the love and friendship you've shared with me and allowed me to share with you. Now and then we'll get together for a celestial weekend, but until then, allow the tremendous love others have for you to give you courage! You are a million times infinity awesome. =)
Liz I'm not sure why your comments don't show, but thank you for your kind words too. I love both of you very much!
I also noticted that several people I love have been talking our writing about this, and I wanted them to know they are not alone.
Thank you for your love and support!
Sarah, Thanks for sharing this. I am feeling very much like this right now. I appreciate it. Love you! And miss you!
Where did the title quote come from? It's pretty true. I think I could go on and on about my troubles and struggles since I moved back to LA. It's been a long, gradual (baby steps) process, but things have gotten better in my ward. I can't wait to see you! I'm hoping it will be a weekend of renewal in addition to a celestial weekend of fun and laughter and friendship.
For Liz's comments: Go to the "comments" tab. Right underneath the tab will be two links, "published" and "spam" go to spam and unspam Liz's comment. I have to do this with all of her comments. I don't understand. Liz isn't spam!!!!!
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