Well, life has a very interesting way of showing you that you need to develop and change. I have felt that for quite some time, and am not so sure how to go about it, or what direction I need to take. My life has been so structured for so long, school, mission, school... you know you have an end goal, to graduate, to help someone find the gospel... etc. But right now I feel somewhat goal-less, and lost. My life doesn't seem to have the same energy or excitement that is used to. I'm not completely sure that is a bad thing... but I feel like I lost a bit of me that makes me me. I am not sure that makes any sense, but oh well.
This past weekend I had the opportunity to hang out with a few mission friends, and for a second I was really nervous at the idea of being around them. Who was I when I was with them... was "Sister Jagger" the same as Sarah now... not really. I am not so sure what was different, but I feel different, and not sure how to interact with these people. So I found myself being quiet and just listening to conversations rather than adding to them. Watching these individuals who have successfully adapted to post mission life and who seem to know who they are, and have good goals.
I seem to have turned into an anti-social human being. I'm not sure why. I don't seem to want to be involved with my ward, or get to know new people... which is odd... that has always been one of my strengths. I really feel the need to grow and develop... gah I'm annoyed. But on a funny note I have been asked to give a talk this Sunday on "Overcoming Trials" and as I have been studying and preparing I see how I can get back on the band wagon of progressing as a human being.
I love how the Lord will give you a much needed slap if you don't listen to His quieter nudgings. It shows me that He cares and loves me, and knows how to get my attention! Oh man I love the gospel. It's amazing, and so true!!!!
Ok, sorry for the randomness of my mind. But thanks for listening!
May 2021 piano recital
2 years ago
5 comments:
Hey girl! Dang I wish I could just come give you a huge hug right now and then we could run out to Craigos for some breadsticks. Those were the days huh! Hang in there, you are such an amazing person with all sorts of truly exceptional gifts. There are big things in store for you. Just wait out the storm with the strength you have been blessed with. Great things lie ahead for great people. And you, my dear, are one of them.
I so relate to what you're feeling. I, too, feel goal-less and lost. I've become very anti-social (which isn't such a change for me). What you're saying totally makes sense.
It's kinda difficult to watch so many other people adapt to post-mission life so easily (of course, I think it's also important to recognize that a lot of people I knew on my mission are still in school which makes that adjustment much easier). It seems like everyone around me is getting married. Their lives are falling into place while mine is just stuck. I wish I knew how to get unstuck. But I think there are probably more people who feel the way we do than we might realize. That's what I've been finding as I talk to other people who aren't married and have graduated.
I went out with some friends from high school, and of course the question came up, "What are you doing?" One of them said, I should just own my "I don't know," as if I don't know and that's the way I want it! lol
For both A and Jagger:
http://dinosaursarefun.blogspot.com/2009/01/question-marks-and-quotation-marks.html
Some good quotes by some good people. =)
Love you girls so much! I know things will fall into place for both of you soon, even if that means just realizing that things already ARE in place.
I am with you on the no desire to be social thing, especially being a social person. I think you just get to a point where you are "done". You have your friends, your family and are fine...
I am SO with you!
Unfortunatley, how will you ever meet any guys...
But, don't worry, you'll find a balance.
also...
here's a song my friend sent me when i was describing my lost-ness:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5WzRc3u5ac
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